Old Car, New Car: A Short Play
A New Short Romantic Comedy
Originally written as part of Freestyle Repertory Theatre and Synergy Theater’s collaborative on-going online production of Write Away! (or a rehearsal thereof or other exercise based on it… can’t remember now), the show where 5 playwrights each write a new play in 45 minutes based on audience suggestions, then perform the plays together 10 minutes after that.
Keep an eye out for the suggestions “wolves are heard howling” and “someone breaks into an interpretative dance.”
(TAYLOR and CAMERON are walking down Main Street, looking for CAMERON’s car.)
TAYLOR: So, it’s red, right?
CAMERON: Dark red, like almost maroon
TAYLOR: Really?
CAMERON: Yeah.
TAYLOR: I really thought it was bright red.
CAMERON: No, dark.
TAYLOR: I don’t remember it being like that.
CAMERON: I swear it’s maroon.
TAYLOR: Why maroon?
CAMERON: It’s like a dark red.
TAYLOR: No, yeah, fine. Ok. But why would you pick maroon when you were buying the car?
CAMERON: I thought it looked nice, that’s not the point.
TAYLOR: Well, no, I’m just saying, maybe if it was bright red it’d be easier to find.
CAMERON: You’re blaming my color choices for our situation right now??
TAYLOR: Would you rather me blame your terrible sense of direction?
CAMERON: You know what, you could’ve tried to remember too.
TAYLOR: I asked you if you wanted me to take a picture of the street sign, you said you’d remember it.
CAMERON: I did! It was Main and Second. Or… Main and Third. But it was definitely on main.
TAYLOR: We’ve walked up and down Main at least seven times now. At this rate we could’ve caught another movie and still be home at the same time.
(CAMERON stops walking.)
CAMERON: I know.
TAYLOR: What? You wanna go back and catch that new horror flic? That’s what I wanted in the first p—
CAMERON: Shut up about that Stephan King movie. No. I wanna find my car. Just, once, I want to be able to find my car.
TAYLOR: What are you talking about, you always find it eventually.
(Pause.)
TAYLOR (CON’T): What? Obviously, you do always find it at some point.
CAMERON: No.
TAYLOR: I don’t understand. What are you talking about?
CAMERON: I’ve never once found a car after I parked it somewhere.
TAYLOR: But you always have a car.
CAMERON: I get them regularly delivered.
TAYLOR: I’m sorry, what?
CAMERON: Every time you see me, I have a new car. Cause I lost whatever one I had the last time.
TAYLOR: You’re kidding.
CAMERON: I’m not.
TAYLOR: How do you just keep buying new cars? You’re not a billionaire.
CAMERON: I am.
TAYLOR: What??
CAMERON: I’ve kept it a secret.
TAYLOR: No shit. Bitch, you made me buy the popcorn.
CAMERON: Sorry. Had to keep up the façade. I can’t be spending my money on frivolous things. I need it for all the cars.
TAYLOR: I don’t believe this. Where’d you get all this money?
CAMERON: A witch.
TAYLOR: What the actual f-
CAMERON: I made a deal with this witch. She said she’d make me rich but every day I would lose something. I made her specify, to make sure nobody in my life died or anything, and she swore it would just be material things. I figured I’ll lose a pen here and there, or worst case I’ll buy a new couch once in a while. Why would it matter? I’d be rich.
(Wolves are heard howling. TAYLOR is startled. CAMERON is not.)
TAYLOR: What was that?
CAMERON: Oh, that’s the wolves. They come out at night.
TAYLOR: You don’t sound concerned.
CAMERON: I’m just used to them. I’ve spent a lot of time looking for my car.
TAYLOR: All those times we went out, this is what you’d do after?
CAMERON: Sometimes I’ll give up faster and just take the bus. But I wanted to impress you.
TAYLOR: By finding your car.
CAMERON: Don’t trivialize it. It’s an important thing that people take for granted.
TAYLOR: God, you think if I’d taken a picture of the street sign this wouldn’t have happened?
CAMERON: I’m sure you would’ve accidentally deleted it somehow.
TAYLOR: What about all those apps and devices you can use to track things? Haven’t you ever tried to make this stop?
CAMERON: I’m always too humiliated to buy them. I feel like the cashier just knows what a loser I am.
TAYLOR: Get them online!
CAMERON: I’ve tried. They never show up.
TAYLOR: Why are you so despondent? You should be furious! This is ridiculous.
CAMERON: I’m used to it.
TAYLOR: If you say that one more time, I’ll scream.
CAMERON: What do you want me to say?
TAYLOR: That you’ll find a way to fix this!
CAMERON: Would you help me?
TAYLOR: Sure, what do you need?
CAMERON: I just need to find my car.
TAYLOR: That’s just your short-term problem.
CAMERON: No! That’s what you’re not understanding. This is not my short-term problem, this is my every day, this is my life! I lose my car. Every day. Could you love someone like that?
TAYLOR: Woah, this is only month one, buddy.
CAMERON: I know, but that’s as far as I could get without you learning the truth.
TAYLOR: I wouldn’t have wanted you to hide anything from me.
CAMERON: But could you love me like this?
TAYLOR: I’m not ready to say that.
CAMERON: I’m not asking you to say it right now. I’m just asking you to imagine, six months from now, or even a year.
TAYLOR: I can’t believe you’ll be buying a new car every day for the rest of your life.
CAMERON: Why not? I’ve been doing it for the past 10 years.
TAYLOR: Ten years?!
CAMERON: Only yesterday did they discontinue that bright red one I’d always had.
TAYLOR: It did used to be red. “Maroon” psshh
CAMERON: Yeah, it was red. Every day, for ten years, I bought that same red car, so no one would know. I’ve been though many dozens of short relationships where they bolted a week or two after they found out, and I can’t do that anymore. So, I need to know. Are you gonna be okay with this?
TAYLOR: Won’t you try to change it?
CAMERON: I’ve tried. And I can tell you I’ll try. And I swear, I always try to find that damn car. Hell, sometimes I’ll think: surely today it’ll be something else I’ll lose, and I’ll leave my sunglasses in there, all confident, and sure enough I end up losing two things that day. I’ve even tried to find the witch again, to see if she can undo it.
TAYLOR: And?
CAMERON: She’s gone.
TAYLOR: She died?
CAMERON: Who knows. I lost her business card the first day, every day after that was the car. She’s nowhere on the internet.
(Pause. TAYLOR begins to do an interpretive dance. They dance around CAMERON, demonstrating devotion.)
CAMERON (CON’T): What are you doing?
TAYLOR: I’m showing you.
CAMERON: Showing me what?
TAYLOR: I’m weird too.
CAMERON: Did I say I was weird?
(TAYLOR stops the dance.)
TAYLOR: You’re a cheap billionaire who buys a new car every day because a lost witch always makes it disappear.
CAMERON: Fair point.
TAYLOR: You’re weird.
CAMERON: I get it.
TAYLOR: But I’m weird too.
CAMERON: Why, cause you can dance? That’s not weird, that’s cool.
TAYLOR: I sleep dancing.
CAMERON: I’m sorry, what?
TAYLOR: That’s why I’ve never stayed over. When I was a kid, I really wanted to be a dancer. I made this wish at a fountain that I would never stop dancing, even when I was asleep. It’s taken me nearly 30 years to be able to control it. Even now, my toes are tapping in my shoes. It’s completely uncontrollable at night, so I just dance around the room while I sleep.
CAMERON: Wow.
TAYLOR: I understand what you’re going through.
CAMERON: Wait so you can’t cuddle with someone at night?
TAYLOR: Not once I fall asleep.
CAMERON: Hmm.
TAYLOR: Is that gonna be a problem?
(CAMERON thinks for an uncomfortably long time.)
TAYLOR (CON’T): Are you kidding me???
CAMERON: No.
TAYLOR: Is this a deal breaker?
CAMERON: No! I’m sorry, I meant, No, it’s not gonna be a problem.
TAYLOR: Oh. Well, damn straight. At least I can keep a car.
CAMERON: Hey, come on.
TAYLOR: Well, why the long wait for a simple ‘no’?
CAMERON: I was imagining our life. Me, staying awake all night looking for a car I’ll never find, all the while there could be you: dancing next to me.
(An unexpected smile crosses TAYLOR’s face.)
TAYLOR: No one’s ever really seen me like that before.
CAMERON: And you really wouldn’t mind that?
TAYLOR: Just make sure you wrap me in something warm. It’s getting chilly out here at night.
CAMERON: Yeah, I guess I’m just used to that. I’ll get you special clothes for dancing in the cold.
TAYLOR: And I’ll order those tracking devices. They’ll arrive for me.
CAMERON: You’d really do that for me?
TAYLOR: Yeah. I think this is gonna work.
CAMERON: This?
TAYLOR: Us.
CAMERON: Oh boy. Can I say “I love you” now?
(TAYLOR smiles and takes CAMERON’s hand.)
TAYLOR: Just give it one more week.
END OF PLAY.
Thank you for reading! Do you like my writing and want to read more? My primary project is the serialized novel The Legend of Leanna Page with Cedar Flyte. New chapters are released every Sunday. Please go check it out and subscribe to keep up with the story.
“Old Car, New Car” was published as a contribution to Thorny Thursday! The romance themed day of the week organized by Kathrine Elaine on Substack. Shout out to the other Thornies:
The Brothers Krynn Miguel S. The Man Behind the Screen Maribel Josh Tatter Patricia J.L. 👻🧶🖊️ Jillian Spiridon Joyce Bridget Riley Bryan Pirolli Yakubian Ape Michael P. Marpaung Michael S. Atkinson Monte St Aubyn Lizzy Co E.B. Howard E.A. Colquitt T. Dalton Wolf Carl Brown Donn Harper The LycanProphet Amanda V Shane Scoot V Kelly-Sibley Isha Jain maryh10000 Marco Jasini KC The Casual Writer David Ellison TJ Patton Jason Link The Chronicler Von Rene Volpi R. H. Snow Jon T Saumya Sharma A.C. Cargill, Author Jean Marie Bauhaus Jolan Hildebrandt Mallory Hundley Brother Alexander Mark Palmer S.L. Linton Romana P. Hamish Kavanagh Leanne Shawler Kyle Reese James Ross Ben Luric JE Tabor Grace E. Kelley Joseph Wiess Thérèse Judeana Tracy Ika Wright Jeremy Johnson
This was too cute! 😅