High Up: A Short Play
A New Short Comedy for Funny Sun(ny)day
Originally written as part of Freestyle Repertory Theatre and Synergy Theater’s collaborative on-going online production of Write Away! (or a rehearsal thereof or other exercise based on it… can’t remember now), the show where 5 playwrights each write a new play in 45 minutes based on audience suggestions, then perform the plays together 10 minutes after that.
Based on the original suggestion: “Dancing fruits and vegetables where one explodes with possibly helicopters crashing.” Keep an eye out for the other suggestions “lights start flashing to a disco rhythm” and “Insert the line ‘Ghosts! Them’s tricky!’”
(JON and RICKY are in a helicopter. JON is controlling the aircraft and is incredibly stressed. RICKY is… not.)
RICKY: Hey, hey, dude, come check this out.
JON (yelling): What??
RICKY: Come here!
JON (still screaming): I’m flying a freakin’ helicopter! Can you just tell me what you want??
RICKY: I wanna show you something!
JON (etc.): What do you not understand about the fact that I am flying a freakin helicopter!!!!?
RICKY: Sheesh would you just put these headphones on and stop screaming?
JON: I can’t take my hands off the wheel!
RICKY: Just for a second!
JON: UUGGGHH.
(JON lets go of the wheel for a second, throws headphones on, and lurches back to grab onto wheel again.)
RICKY: Woah, watch the turbulence there.
JON (no longer screaming): I despise you.
RICKY: Love you too buddy, just come here, look at this.
JON: Tell me what you want.
RICKY: It’s this (Controlling laughter)… this adorable little video with these (laughs)…
JON: You’re still high aren’t you?
RICKY: Haha high in the AIR for sure! (laughs too much)
JON: High on weed, idiot. You’re high on weed. We manage to make it out of the highest security prison with nothing but a thrifted helicopter and while I’m here trying to make sure we don’t DIE, you’re high on weed.
RICKY: (trying to hold in laughter): No. No, I am not. I am not high. Not even (overenunciates…) intoxicated.
JON: No wonder you couldn’t make it as a crime lord. Terrible, terrible liar.
RICKY: Woah. Alright. Low blow.
JON: I should’ve just left you there.
RICKY: Excuse me!!?
JON: You’re useless.
RICKY (Legitimately defensive): I’m good company!
JON: We’ve been cellmates for over a decade. I’ve had enough of your company.
RICKY: You love me.
JON: I really don’t know that I do.
RICKY: Say it.
JON: No.
RICKY: Say you love me.
JON (Seeing something in distance): Stop talking.
RICKY: Say you love me!
JON: Shut up! Something’s following us.
RICKY: What?
JON: Shhhhh.
RICKY: We’re in helicopter. I could scream and they wouldn’t hear me.
JON: I can hear you, and I need to concentrate.
RICKY (Getting sidetracked): I don’t see why you think it’s so bad I’m trying to celebrate. I’m finally able to relax after 13 horrible years and all you can do is—
JON: They’re getting closer.
RICKY: Who?
JON: Whoever’s following us.
RICKY: Hold on.
JON: What?
RICKY: My phone’s dying, where’s that charger. Oh, there it is. (Plugs phone into wire). Oh. There’s no outlets in here is there.
JON: Do you even care??
RICKY: About what?
JON: About the person following us!
RICKY: Oh that. I mean, I guess so.
JON: I’m sure they’re from the prison. They’ve caught up to us, they must have.
RICKY: Alright, so worst case scenario we go back to prison.
JON: YEAH! That would really suck, man!
RICKY: Oh, or I guess they could shoot us down or blow us up or something. Yeah, that’d be worse.
JON: YEAH!!!!!! That’d be worse!!!!!
RICKY: Alright, so fly away.
JON: I’VE NEVER FLOWN A HELICOPTER BEFORE.
RICKY: You’re doing great.
JON: UGH. This is so like you.
RICKY: What is?
JON: Something serious happens and instead of driving and finding a way out you just let go of the reins.
RICKY: I take control plenty.
JON: HA.
RICKY: I took control of that last job I pulled 13 years ago.
JON: I’m not talking about that.
RICKY: Well, I am. I took control, did the thing myself after years of delegating to prove I’m a man or some stupid shit like that and I ended up in a cell with you. So, you know what? You can fuckin’ drive.
JON: They’re still closer.
RICKY: Of course they’re closer. They’re gonna keep getting closer.
JON: There’s a door opening up.
RICKY: Oh?
JON: It’s someone with a gun.
RICKY: Makes sense. That’s what they do in the movies.
JON: What am I supposed to do???
RICKY (Shrugs): Take a left.
(They both lean to the right as JON makes a sharp turn to the left.)
JON: Woah! That was amazing!
RICKY: What was?
JON: You didn’t see that? They started shooting just as I turned and we dodged like 20 bullets!
RICKY: Seriously?
JON: What do I do next?
RICKY: I—I—I don’t know. That was a random clueless thought. I told you I’m not good at---
JON: WHAT DO I DO NEXT???
RICKY: DIVE DOWN!
(They each jolt back as the helicopter dives.)
JON: YES!
RICKY: NO. NO NO NO nonono. I can’t do this.
JON: This is incredible! You’re incredible! Come here! Drive!
RICKY: I’m literally high!!
JON: But you know which way to go!
(JON looks away from front window back to RICKY.)
RICKY: No I-- look ahead of you!—ugh, right! Go right!
(They do.)
JON: See?? You’re like psychic.
RICKY: There was a rock in the way buddy, just look where you’re going!
JON: Oh, oh, ok.
(JON’s phone flashlight starts flashing)
RICKY: What’s going on with your phone flashlight? It’s going off to like a disco rhythm or something.
JON: Oh, hold on I’m getting a call. Grab the wheel.
(JON lets go of the wheel and RICKY desperately sit in the other cockpit seat and grabs onto the other wheel.)
RICKY: THIS IS REALLY NOT THE TIME.
JON (talking on the phone): Hello?
RICKY: Seriously? You’re taking the call??
JON: A deal? Maybe, we’re listening.
RICKY: Who is it?? Are those people still shooting?
JON: It’s the government (eye roll). They’re offering not to blow us up if we surrender and accept 30 more years tacked onto our life sentences.
RICKY: What, like they’re gonna hold our ghosts in the cell or something?
JON: Ghosts! Them’s tricky!
RICKY: What is up with you right now?? You’re acting like me.
JON: Apparently that’s all it took to get you acting like me.
RICKY: I’m still high as hell right now, man!
JON (back on phone): You know what? I’m gonna act a little more like my partner in crime today.
RICKY: BAD IDEA!
JON (on phone): We’re not taking the deal.
RICKY: We’re not?
JON (on phone): Go ahead. Blow us up.
RICKY: I DO NOT AGREE TO THAT.
JON (on phone): See ya suckers. (Hangs up phone.)
(JON gets out of cockpit and starts gathering supplies.)
RICKY: Did you just hang up on the government?
JON: Yep. Come on. We’re jumping.
RICKY: Are you insane???
JON: If you can fly a helicopter high – ha, pun now intended – then you can fall out of one. Come on, we’re not going back in a cell.
RICKY: Uhhhhhh, ok.
JON: Come over here.
RICKY: I am literally flying a helicopter right now.
JON: Put it on autopilot.
RICKY: THERE’S AN AUTOPILOT???
JON: Yeah, I found it while I was talking on the phone. It’s that blue button over there.
(RICKY, exasperated, pushes button and goes over to the back with JON.)
JON: Step in here, straps go here and here, yeah there you go. You ready?
RICKY: Um—
JON: JUMP.
(They jump. Helicopter explodes above them. Dog barks in the nearby distance. As they’re falling:)
RICKY: Woah! Well, that was close.
JON: Too close frankly.
RICKY: But you hear that dog?
JON (smiles): Yeah.
RICKY: We’re close to civilization.
JON: Yeah.
RICKY: Thank you for putting that plan together.
JON: It’s not over yet. We still have to get to the ground.
RICKY: I’m counting this a success. Unless I’m just hallucinating. But can weed actually be this strong?
JON: Nah man. This is real.
RICKY: Sweet.
JON: I’m sorry I said I should’ve left you behind. You did real good.
RICKY: You know, when I don’t try I actually do pretty ok.
JON: What a great lesson to learn from all this.
RICKY: Yeah.
JON: Oh, what was that thing you wanted to show me?
RICKY: Oh! It was great! It was this hilarious little video of dancing fruits and vegetables.
JON (smiles): Awesome.
END OF PLAY.
Thank you for reading! Do you like my writing and want to read more? My primary project is the serialized novel The Legend of Leanna Page with Cedar Flyte . New chapters are released every Sunday. Hey, that’s today! Yeah, new chapter today! Please go check it out and subscribe to keep up with the story.
“High Up” was published as a contribution to Funny Sun(ny)day! The comedy themed day of the week I organize on Substack. Shout out to the other Funnies:
Michael P. MarpaungAndrew BeebeMata Haggis-Burridge Bridget Riley D. Rita Alfonso, Ph.D. Nick Richards Andrew SmithSaumya Sharma Travis BlakeIka WrightT. Dalton WolfRene Volpi Cameron ArkseyJosh TatterChris WellBryan PirolliDaniel BarberRomana P.Sean Thomas McDonnellBen KellieLorne BronsteinS.L. LintonRobert WeberAuthor Michele BardsleyBrian Martinez Walther CantuMark PalmerAndrei AtanasovBen LuricNicola de VeraMr. Troy FordAmanda V ShaneRachel LaDueEdward RoosterLausanne Davis CarpenterAlejandro Piad MorffisK DixonSDG LemaîtreDavid PerlmutterPatricia J.L. 👻🧶🖊️A.C. Cargill, AuthorDaniel O’DonnellMaribelThe Man Behind the ScreenThe Black KnightThe Brothers KrynnMiguel S. JoyceAristotle EvangelosKarina FabianMichael S. AtkinsonV Kelly-Sibley HoneygloomKathrine ElaineGene Robin George
I’m definitely going to try my hand at some comedy writing so I can participate next week!